It’s here again. It’s always been there, lurking.
Sometimes, it shows its face clearly. This is one of those times. It’s been with me for so long. Should I greet it like an old friend? Or give it a cold shoulder?
I want to remain passive and not do anything. Unfortunately, I can’t. I want to wail. I want to punch it in the face. I want to fight.
My mind is no longer mine when it’s here. It hides behind the walls, peeking occasionally, hoping it will disappear.
It doesn’t. Its roots are strong. After all, it has been lurking and growing for over a decade.
Now, I find myself unable to make it go away. Not just because I’m scared of it but also because I am frightened of the person I would become without it.
I feel like I would no longer be whole.
Or as whole as I can be.
December 2022
